It’s Quiet…

It’s quiet… It’s hard.
The overwhelming wait.
Hurray, and do nothing.
Other people manipulating you like a marionette.
Unquestioning questions…
Manipulated manipulations…
The ogrish nightmare just won’t stop…
Pain and more pain and why? I don’t understand.
I can’t grasp it. I rock back and forth and I spit and curse…
FUCK, go away. Why won’t it go away? Why won’t the voices stop their torment? Where are the butterflies and flowers?
What happened to long walks and pretty sunsets?
Where did my beautiful trees go? Trapped inside this husk.
My theme music starts and it sounds like a 1950’s sitcom.
I think I started in technicolor and went to black and white.
Television analogies are cryptic. I feel cryptic…
The pain won’t go away. It is all that my world encompasses.
I get a hug from my youngest child and my world explodes in color as I hug him tightly and remind him to brush his teeth. The color recedes.
Black and white and shadows… The Grey/gray…
The quiet is so loud. Shhh, I think I am crazy… The pain is so loud, I cover my ears.
It’s so quiet…
It’s quiet…

 

T.L. Stafford

1/2018

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28 comments

  1. Your photo set the scene perfectly, the long empty page, scrolling past each. individual. binder… down and down through the long empty page and into your poem – very effective! And yes, a hug to you if you need it ❤

  2. I love how when I scrolled down the page the paper in the picture jut kept going and going forever…empty. Just like the silence. Just like the pain. It seems never ending. I get this so much. It’s always too quiet. I loved this. Perfect descriptions.

  3. Seek out hugs, give and get hugs and everything that brings colour into your day…more colour will come…just as it is coming to you through each and every response and like on your post! Thinking of you and aware of how tesillient you are to have overcome so much and be here to share the story! Keep writing…keep sharing!

    • I think you all are fantastic… It does help indeed to know there are people out in the world that care, just a little… Even if by a few words or comments. A knowing or understanding. Thank you!

  4. I liked this, but it’s seems inappropriate to like a post of such intense and raw emotional expression. My heart send deep felt caring your way for whatever it is that disturbs your peace right now!

    • Thank you very much! It is ok too, “like”, It lets people know you read it! You were there for what they wrote…

      I think this place is the only place I have ever felt comfortable enough to share some of the inner emotions that fight so hard to get out. I appreciate the care of your words a lot.

  5. I seriously don’t knw what to say. Ur pain is reflected so much in ur write up. Will u believe me if I say I can understand ur pain! Don’t despair and loose hope and faith. For the Lord is faithful.

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